World Stunned as Scientists Discover That Calories In Weekend Snacks Don't Count

Weekend calories don't count

In a groundbreaking revelation that has left nutritionists dumbfounded and fitness gurus rethinking their entire careers, scientists have announced the discovery that calories consumed during the weekend miraculously don't count. Yes, you read that correctly – your weekend indulgences are now officially guilt-free.

The research, conducted by the Institute of Wishful Thinking, found that the human body enters a state of caloric amnesia starting from Friday night and lasting until Monday morning. This phenomenon effectively erases any evidence of that extra-large pizza, family-sized bag of chips, and the three slices of chocolate cake you enjoyed over the weekend.

"We were as shocked as anyone," admitted Dr. Ima Jination, lead researcher of the study. "It seems that the body's metabolism undergoes a mysterious transformation during the weekend, rendering it immune to the effects of excessive caloric intake. We suspect that magical fairies might be involved, but more research is needed to confirm this hypothesis."

The news has sent shockwaves through the diet and fitness industry, as gyms around the world reported a sudden drop in memberships. Nutrition apps are scrambling to update their algorithms to account for the newfound calorie-nullifying properties of Saturdays and Sundays.

Fitness influencers are in disbelief, with many lamenting the countless "cheat days" they could have had without the guilt. "I spent years denying myself the joys of weekend binges, and now I find out it doesn't even matter?" exclaimed fitness guru Buff McMuscles. "What have I been doing with my life?"

Restaurant owners are already capitalizing on the revelation, advertising weekend-only "guilt-free" menus filled with deep-fried delights and sugar-coated monstrosities. Health-conscious individuals everywhere are throwing their kale salads out the window and rushing to embrace the hedonistic joy of weekend gluttony.

Despite the skepticism from some corners of the scientific community, many people are embracing the news with open arms and wide waistbands. "Finally, science is catching up with what I've known all along: weekends are a nutritional black hole where calories cease to exist," said Sandra Snackington, a self-proclaimed weekend food enthusiast.

As the world comes to terms with this paradigm-shifting revelation, one thing is clear: our weekends just got a whole lot tastier, and our waistlines a little less worrisome. Thank you, science, for letting us savor the flavor of freedom – at least until Monday morning rolls around.